Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Have a Drink, Miss Kelly

Naturally, I'm disappointed and outraged over the spectacle of another prominent politician betraying the public through his arrogance and lack of moral control. And I really don't like the fact that New York governor Eliot Spitzer is a democrat. Republican vice amuses me; democratic vice disappoints me.

But the whole hooker-gate event does raise a somewhat academic question in my mind:

What can a call-girl possibly do for you that might be worth $4,300?

Some years ago as I was dining alone in a hotel bar in Vegas, a stunningly beautiful woman approached me and after a naive few minutes of conversation, she offered to do whatever I wanted, for hours and hours, for the sum of $400.

Rest assured that there are many, many reasons such an experiment did not then, nor is ever likely to, happen. Performance anxiety, cheapness, and yes, that pesky moral character make me one of the most boring men in America. A mildly flirtatious woman makes me blush furiously. You can imagine my reaction to this event.

But I now confess to wondering what in God's heaven a man might purchase for $4,300. I ask myself what might coax me to consider such a tryst for this kind of fee—assuming I had that kind of loose cash laying around.

First of all, I can tell you that certain credentials would need to be met. To start with, the professional lady would need to be the spitting image of Grace Kelly, from the era of "Rear Window."

And there would be certain educational requirements to be met. Certainly a master's degree in comparative lit or religious studies from a prominent college, followed by a PhD in debauched sensuality from Anais Ninn University. I like a good conversation in between workouts.

And for $4,300, I'd think I'd be entitled to a 24-hour-a-day libertine adventure for at least two weeks. I'd insist on a contract to that effect.

I told you I was cheap. And I have high expectations.


AphroditeRising said...

400 bucks for all night! What a deal she offered you!

I have gotten a total kick out of this thing. For a most likely sexually starved, desperate, cash-bloated man in a very public position, $4,300 was probably very worth it in his opinion. That kind of money to him is probably just a drop in the condom, er, bucket. The anonymity (client 9, was it?)alone was worth the price, I'm sure. And the gal he ended up with was most likely not the run of the mill hooker...

BUT, I'm not saying I agree with what he did. I just laugh at his silly public vilification of prostitution and he ends up doin the dirty himself. It's the pretending to be something that he isn't that bugs me.

Anais Ninn University. LOL. Sign me up as Professor Aphrodite! :)

Suzy said...

For me, the Professional Lady would have to BE Grace Kelly....

And I would have to borrow the money.



Jerri said...

A master's degree in comparative lit? Really? That's what you'd be looking for in return for $4300? A discussion of literature?

Hell, I don't have a masters, but I'll discuss literature with you anytime you want. Free of charge. Save your dinero for something more exciting. If you're going to pay for sin, it might as well be real sin!

Kiyotoe said...



ABSOLUTELY ridiculous.

Glamourpuss said...

$4,300? That just over £2k. Reasonable enough - depending upon what he wanted. There are some real perverts out there, and having someone do exactly what you want, not having to give a fig about their needs, keeping it discreet, well, it's all got a price.

I know dancers who've been offered more for a night, and just for straight sex.

Just saying.